It made me think about what kind of mother I wanted to be. Would I be able to take the best parts from my own mother, my grandmothers, and the other mother’s in my life, and limit the negative? Aren’t we all sure we will do it better somehow?
I certainly still strive for that, but now 10 years on, I finally think I have found my “groove”, I know what kind of mother I am. Can I label it? Probably not. But what I did notice, thanks to today’s trip to the playground, with all FOUR of my girls, is that I am so much more RELAXED 10 years in!
I watched a few Mothers hover over the equipment more than me, a few more following their child only 1 foot away, and you can get a sense that they are a newish mom, perhaps only to one… and I saw myself 9 years ago!
Now I am the mom standing farther away than the others, not only just because I am more comfortable with what I know my girls can do, but I need the vantage point to see all of them! I saw the stress in so many moms faces with the kids on the equipment, afraid their little ones will fall, and I remember that fear clearly… but now, it is less. How did this happen? I would love to say I am much more zen about things 10 years later, but really, experience is the great teacher. I have learned that they will fall, there will be tears, cuts, bruises, but they need to explore, figure out what their body can accomplish. Just like I did!
10 years after I was approaching my first Mother’s day, I am starting to see the mother that I have become, and I am happy! I like her. Even if she resembles my own mom more than I usually like to admit.